I was casually browsing content that might help me create a visualization of the way I experience racing thoughts, which I came across this painting on someone’s blog that caught me off guard. The image is hosted by it’s author on her blog, MyLoudWispersofHope his depiction of one woman’s experience with depression was spot-on and infinitely impactful. I’d put this painting up there with Silver Linings Playbook in its entirety, and that movie’s incredible.
I can only say that amidst all the despair she has written about, painted about she has found her rock and has learned an end is always in sight.
My brain has shut down, like I’m in a trance.
I have stopped, immobilized, unable to prance.
This is what happens when my bipolar depression sets in,
everything feels hopeless, nothing is good and I never win.
I have been hypomanic for so long, it felt beautiful, like I was winning.
Hypomania never lasts forever, I knew the crashing has been beginning,
doing too much, much too often, haven’t been able to sleep for days,
knew it was coming, no sleep is dangerous, goodness never stays.
Deep sorrow, pain, anger, hate and despair in many different ways.
Still can’t sleep, but now I can’t get anything done
even though I’m up from dawn to the setting sun.
I think my mood pole is in a mixed state
which is the type of bipolar I truly do hate.
I pray my depression doesn’t turn to the worst severe suicidal depression kind.
Right now my depression is severe, but not too many suicidal ideations in my mind.
I thank God for that and pray that my depression decreases, releases and ceases,
so I can go back up to my hypomanic mood pole where my happiness increases.
I will be strong, hold on and keep fighting today,
writing, finding distractions and to God I must pray.
God is always with me and has saved my life numerous times before.
I praise God and have faith in Him. He is my Father I love and adore.
Today and every day,
I must pray…